Opinion | Why I Had to Kill Family Dinner

I did grow up with nightly family dinner, and TV wasn’t allowed into the picture until I was a teen and my parents were separated. Initially Mom did most of the cooking, but never enjoyed it. It shifted mostly to my dad when my mom went back to work. When they separated Mom mostly stopped cooking and relied on takeout and convenience foods. I took over some dinners in Dad’s household after I started driving and was the first one home, and during summers.

Family dinner was an important moment to slow down and reconnect, make time for each other, make sure everyone had at least one well-rounded meal, and show respect for the labor that went into planning and preparing the food. I’ve continued it with my own family – even though only one of us grew up with it.

I’m also not under any illusions about it being magical . We started a “gratitude” practice this year at meals that feels really special, though.

Admittedly, sometimes it’s much more peaceful to feed the kid first.

My parents divorced when my sis and I were 7 & 2, respectively. We eventually ended up growing up separately, in the same town. She with my dad, who mostly made canned foods, I with my mom, who sometimes took me out to lunch after I was done with school during her own lunch break, then would drop me off at home. Dinner was often just Abendbrot, which isn’t unusual in Germany & doesn’t require any cooking. It would be bread, cold cuts, cheeses, some cut up tomatoes and cukes, or an actual salad.

But in both my sister’s and my case, “family dinner” meant one parent, one kid. Probz easier to pull off than a dinner involving more family members.

My ex and I both grew up having family dinners every night. He is the middle of 7 so that was no small feat…especially since the kids are spaced over two decades.

Its just my sister and me, so definitely fewer variables. My dad was home most nights and Walter Cronkite was the usual “guest” during dinner on the small black and white TV in the corner

My son has no memory of having dinner with his father, as we would eat our meal, but his father would get home after both of us had gone to bed. I would make a plate and put plastic wrap on it and slide it in the fridge.

Abendbrot seems like a very good idea.

Divorce was definitely something that started happening in the families of some of my friends as I was growing up. We knew it was coming in my family; it was just a question of when. I was a sophomore away at college when my parents divorced. My sister moved with my mother to another town. I’m honestly not sure what dinner for the two of them looked like while I was gone. When I moved home and in with them for a few years, mom was cooking dinner for anyone who was home when it hit the table. I also pitched in with cooking (and rent).

Yeah. I was home alone. Family dinner was solo dining with Different Strokes and Three’s Company.

It is probably even more rare than ever.

It was also my spouse’s experience. Same age. Same era.

I (young Gen X/elder “Xennial”) and my two siblings (one a year older, one three years younger) grew up with family dinner at 6pm every night. My parents were both college professors, though, which meant they kept more or less the same hours we did - made it a lot easier to get a meal for 5 on the table regularly. I’d say 50% of my friends had a similar experience while the other 50% were either a bit more “latchkey” or simply had parents who preferred a less structured approach to meals.

The only time we as kids were allowed to eat in front of the TV was when Wizard of Oz was being shown. and and , oh my!

Yes, both my parents worked and I, and the younger sibling I was in charge of, came home to an empty house. *My* particular experience was that dinner was still expected on the table for the family when they got home and it fell to me.

Me too. But late 60’s, early 70’s! I’m sure I am remembering a positive spin on it, but it’s mostly true.

We sat at what could be described as a bar, on bar stools in a galley kitchen.

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ETA This was not my children’s experience!

I’m Gen X.

Family dinner around 7 pm every night , unless my parents had an event. We went out for Chinese food most Sunday nights.

I still make a family dinner every night that I’m at home with the DCs.

When I’m alone, I eat dinner at the kitchen table or while watching tv.

We still say grace each night before the family dinner.

I realized just now I don’t say it when I eat alone

Never did.. even when my dad was a lay leader and the choir director amd I was an acolyte.

I guess it just depends.

I’m so grateful to have grown up in a non-religious household.

I’m not seeing where saying grace or not changes the quality of family ties or behavior, any more than anything else discussed on this thread.

I am observing that I am not in the pattern of thinking about gratitude when I eat alone. Sitting down to eat with others at dinner reminds me to say something or think something about being grateful before eating.

I am not saying anything about anyone else’s meal time patterns when I mention that grace is said before dinner at my place.

Grace was said before dinner at the fairly secular summer camp I went to, in the 1980s and 1990s. Usually Johnny Appleseed. Not religious beyond the Johnny Appleseed reference to the Lord.

My family had family dinner growing up, no TV, set the table, call your siblings, say grace and manners were enforced at the dinner table…stop slouching, no hands or arms on the table….finish everything.

Then things changed in my mid teens. My older siblings had activities and moved away for college, and eventually so did I. Also my Dad left to work overseas for a couple of years. Decided not to move the family, so we stayed in SoCal. Still had family dinner but less formal, more takeout but we’d sit down for dinner just the same but still no TV.

One thing I find funny or part of 70s was that there were few fast casual take out except KFC and fish and chips and just about everyone I know had the same experience…”here’s a coupon, go get KFC”. It was the only thing resembling a regular meal and mom gets a break day. Pizza was special occasion and burgers were fast food, and no vegetables. As for Chinese food, never because my mom’s food was superior, being from a restaurant family.

Also in my teens, my mom engaged us to cook so we’d we make meals. I learned quite a bit, stuff that I still use today like, “you have to watch it” and “don’t over cook it because you can’t go back.” That was when Cooking shows on PBS started showing up and of course she had a large cookbook collection.

Cooking really is a life skill every one should learn…and in current times, more so. A lot of “kids” are taking up cooking at home…out of necessity due to the economy. Might be one benefit from a ef’ed up time. Knowing how to cook also makes you appreciate a restaurant meal more, and understand what is good and bad…oh god damn, you can take care of yourself, at least some parts.

When I took care of my dad in his final ” years, I was on the dinner thread mill. That’s when I took batch cooking seriously. Plus I kept a printed listof different meal options, so I didn’t have to think about it. Instead I’d look at the list or look of what batch cooked and frozen. Take out food was better and an option…like a burrito or Mexican food. Still no TV. I insisted on turning the boob tube off…for flat panel boob off.

One thing after my youngest sibling moved away for college, my mom retired from most cooking. No more family dinner…and the light cooking fad happened and she bought it. Food wasn’t as tasty. She cooked family dinner for 30 years. She did spoil the last kid since it was mainly them. After experiencing college food, I really appreciated my mom’s cooking.

Likewise…ours has evolved beyond thankfulness for food and is thankfulness in general.

100% Agree… I think that is the reason my mother would call my sister or I into the kitchen from time to time to learn some basic cooking/baking skills.

She didn’t hold a “cooking class” every meal, but would include either my sister or I from time to time.

I was extremely thankful to have those “life skills” when I went to college.

And yes, she put a nice dinner on the table every night – usually a few minutes after my Dad got home from work.